So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
