take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
