i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
