just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
