I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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