As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
