I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
