Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
