The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
