Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You've changed since you got that strap on
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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