ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
