I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
