I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she looked like the before picture.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
