I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
