You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
