those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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