Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
