I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
