The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The power of my boobs compel you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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