His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
