I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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