thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
