no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
