I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
