This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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