We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
