So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Randomize
