I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
