is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize