she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
