You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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