lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize