at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
