hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Terrible idea I love it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
