I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
