I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
