I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My breasts were aching with rage.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
