Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
