i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
