I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
