Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize