Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You've changed since you got that strap on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
