I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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