whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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