I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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