I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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