Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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