He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
