I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize