How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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