I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
