An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
