You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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