If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
