i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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