he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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