So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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