Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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