Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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