The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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