we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
