What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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