Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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