Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize