I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
