yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
