Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
