The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize